I have been a faithful spouse to my wife of 51 years. It has not always been an easy time. We have had our differences and our arguments, but we have also had had many wonderful times together. 

Overall of those years, I have worked in fields where I have had a lot of female colleagues: Medical research, Medical illustration, Instructional design, Teaching, Organizational design, consulting, and art and illustration, all are full of female professionals. Over the years I have learned to appreciate the talents, skills, and leadership provided by my female colleagues. I have also developed many sincere and loving relationships with my female colleagues. Never has there been a romantic relationship but rather a deep understanding and feeling of companionship and love for so many of them, I can truthfully say that some of my relationships could very easily have slipped into illegitimate relationships, but I often struggled to keep the proper professional perspective, but in each case, I was able to keep the relationship proper.  

In my last session with my therapist, we peeled back some of the issues that haunt me to this day. Why do I feel like an anachronism when it comes to my moral and ethical character? We dug a bit into my family relationships, my education, my religious upbringing, and my natural desires for love, affection, and sexual needs. I grew up in a loving and engaging family where the physical expression of love was almost non-existent. I never recall ever hugging or kissing anyone else in my family until very recent years. The only time that I told my mother that I loved her and that I hugged and lightly kissed her on the cheek was when she was on her death bed dying. I never told my dad that I loved him or ever gave him a hug like I do with my son John. On the other hand, When I married Carolyn Cantella and was around her family things were quite different. There were plenty of hugs and kisses and a physical show of love and caring. I blame a lot of it on the different family cultures. My two German grandmothers surely must have been rather stodgy from what I can gather from the few descriptions that I got from my parents surely set the stage. The few old photos seem to depict such characters. Can't tell much about my grandfathers. I never knew my maternal grandfather Kennedy from Ireland. My fraternal grandfather, I did have an afternoon with him when he was 95 and we talked at length about my great grandfather and his times on the Chisholm trail when I was in high school. Carolyn's family was of French Acadian Landry stock (my MIL) and Sicilian stock (My FIL). They were not at all stodgy from my perspective. This difference in family cultures would cause me considerable distress in the early years of our marriage and would ultimately result in my estrangement from my family in my middle age.

Back to my upbringing and why I feel like an anachronism.

I was brought up in a Catholic family. My mom, a Kennedy, made sure that I went to Mass and attended Catholic schools (St Pius School in Pasadena 1st grade, St Mary school in Houston (grade 2-8), and St. Thomas HS, Houston (Grade 9-12). So I had a solid grounding in Catholic education and doctrine. Note that St. Thomas was all male, so I no longer had girls around me in the classroom, like I did in grade school. I was an altar boy, as well, through the 6-8 grades and at St. Thomas, as well. The Dominican nuns kept me in line and indoctrinated us.

In College I went to the A&M College of Texas and was in the Corps Of Cadets for two years, So I had no women classmates for five of my six years in college. I went to the University of Texas in my fifth year to get a degree in Architectural Studies, so that was the first time to have been in a classroom with women in 8 years. All of those years in college I was active in the Neumann Club (a Catholic-oriented extracurricular organization, and went to Mass every Sunday, and would often step up as altar boy. I became a leader in the clubs both at A&M and at UT, and even UH and Rice during the summers.

At TAMU I was early on introduced to Lawrance Sullivan Ross. an icon in the history of the university. On his monument in front of the Academic building, his epitaph read "Soldier, Statesman, and Knightly Gentleman" That statement would drive my character for the rest of my life. I became a soldier (not much of one), I was never a real statesman (I was elected to various campus positions, to a block grant commissioner position in the city of Houston, to a school board vice president, and a few other quite minor positions, and I tried to be a Knightly Gentleman. That last goal is the one that has me feeling like an anachronism in a world where women are treated like second-class citizens and objects to conquer and abuse, etc.

In my therapy sessions with a couple of different therapists, one a male and the other a female, that character trait came out loud and clear. My therapists have commented on that character, but I still feel so out of place in this world, but I like being out of place! To me women are special creatures to be honored, blessed, cared for, loved, and guarded.  I just became a Knights of Columbus member and am currently reviewing a series of blogs on the role of men in the Church and the world and what I am seeing so far is right on. I am also in a Wednesday morning breakfast group called "This Man is You," a group trying to create men for leadership roles in the church, the community, and the family. I think that I am finding a lot of support in these two groups